As I was making my coffee this morning, I poured the exact amount of milk I wanted from the carton… and then I kept pouring.

Into the metal milk-steaming mug, I emptied the carton. Then I paused and evaluated. I didn’t want that much milk in my coffee, so why did I keep pouring? In that moment I had two choices. I could pour the extra amount of milk back into the carton and leave just a splash of milk in it. Or, I could just be “efficient” and finish the milk.

It’s weird to leave just a splash of milk in the carton, isn’t it? It’s like leaving that last two potato chips in the bag when you’re snacking. That’s when the next person– ahem, your husband– reaches for the bag of chips, only to be left with two chips. And you know he’s wondering what’s the point.

Just like two chips, a splash isn’t enough for other people– ahem, my husband– to use in his smoothie, so why bother? It would make more sense to just use it up.

But I didn’t want it.

Even though I ran the risk of my husband thinking I’m odd for leaving the proverbial two chips in the bag, I did what I wanted.

And I thought, “I’m going to leave the milk in the carton unapologetically!”

Is this a lot of analysis for something as trivial as milk and potato chips?

Probably.

But it represents so much more. It represents the thought processes that go into everything we do in order to have more control over life. These small stories and moments often reflect how we interact with the world in all ways. It’s a symbol of our attitude, our worldview. I’ll admit I may over-analyze this stuff more than others– or as I prefer to put it as a client once called me, a philosopher.

Anyway, it’ makes sense’s normal to want to live in harmony with those close to us, to fit in, and to make sense. The more we try to understand and accommodate each other, the more we flow together. It’s helpful to have common rules to make the relationship run smoothly.

And then, some things just don’t matter.

Let me introduce to you the People-Pleasing Dentist, the Empath, the Highly Sensitive Person.

We are usually the ones to analyze every step, every decision, every word that comes out of our mouth. We move in the world so aware of how those around us feel, that we see the world through their eyes. Even if we don’t always realize it, people love us for it. We make life easy for them. In practice, patients feel pampered and staff feels supported. And at home, friends and family feel comfortable because you are so easy to get along with.

See, we don’t only think about how much milk we leave in the carton affects others. We think about how every move we make affects others. It’s often to the point that we ignore how our move affects us.

Can you believe that I was almost willing to use more milk than I wanted because it could have looked weird to my husband to leave a splash in the carton?

For a long time, I would have blindly done what seemed right instead of what I actually wanted.

But now I am so much more aware of using the pause to notice what I want.

Knowing how silly it is makes it easier to chuckle internally and confidently say, “I’m going to unapologetically do the illogical thing– because it’s what I want!”

It’s more than just milk.

When you see your thinking patterns through the small things, you see how these patterns dictate the bigger things in life.

You see how you might say yes when you mean no.

You see how you might be sacrificing your wants and needs– not because you are so altruistic– but because you Can’t.Even.See.Them.

You are so busy following others’ norms and logic that you don’t even see the world through your own eyes.

For many of us, there’s a stigma about being Unapologetic, like you’re selfish or don’t care about anyone else. Sure, it could mean that. Being unapologetic could mean that you do bad things to people and don’t feel remorse. But it also means not feeling sorry for those things for which you don’t need to feel remorse.

Imagine the freedom that comes with finally seeing what you want.

The seeing takes practice, and that’s where the small moments come in.

Either you will totally get what I’m saying, or you will think this commentary is as weird as leaving the splash of milk in the carton. And that’s the whole point.

Where are you playing small or hiding or not asking for what you want in your life because you’re worried someone else might find it odd or even inconvenient? Whether it’s as small as the amount of milk you leave in the carton because you want to or something life-changing like coming to Portugal with me, what’s your next move?