I went through all those same things. One of the reasons I was stuck was because I felt I needed the income. I also didn’t admit/know that I hated dentistry until the last 3-4 years. So based on financial restrictions/fears and an unwillingness to flat out quit without a safety net, I was in my job for 3-4 more years before I was actually able to leave. It was a looonnnngggg few years. Anyway, everything you’re saying about your feelings was similar (I won’t dare say the same because I don’t have kids.) In fact, I always felt so bad for anyone (stereotypically the men) who felt like I did but probably felt even MORE stuck because they had a family and were the sole breadwinner. You are right. I am very fortunate, but the truth is I didn’t decide I wanted a change and woke up the next morning where I wanted to be. My point in that my whole state of mind was driven by the unhappiness in my life. I worried when I had no reason to, whereas now that I have more reason to worry, I don’t let it bog me down minute to minute, and I have faith that it will all work out. I’ve also learned that I can live at a lower income, and it’s worth the trade off for me. Yeah, it’d be nice to go clothes shopping since I’ve only gone twice in the last 4 years, but I choose to make those types of sacrifices. And… making a living is important to me. I just try to remember that it can be slow to build a business, and hope the savings don’t run out 😉 Oh, and I didn’t have business loans, but when I paid off student loans only 8 months before I quit, I finally felt free to go.

Though it’s tough, I think you are in a great place. At least you now know how you truly feel about what you do. You know have the chance to face your reality with honesty and figure it all out. Who knows, you may even start to like it again. Er, I won’t hold my breath on that one. 😉 Thanks for the kind feedback. It’s nice to know someone other than me is getting something out of this.

You are fortunate Lolabees that you have the ability to not worry about money at this time. I am not saying that with any malice but just stating the fact. I am sure you hope to make more money and I am glad you are finally happy. 🙂 If money was not an issue I would probably quit dentistry today. However, the one good thing I have from dentistry is a decent income right now that I can’t afford to lose. That being said, I am not in major debt or anything like that, it is just that it could negatively affect my family if I were to take a sharp decline in income. That is why this is not easy for me. I can’t just quit, I have to be able to find something that will also provide me with a reasonable income. I could take a small hit but I don’t want to take a substantial one. I went to therapy before, made changes and that did help. However, like I already stated, I never realized until now just how unhappy I was with practicing dentistry. That being said, I may seek therapy again to talk through this issue and see if I can resolve it. If I stop and smell the roses (so to speak) I do have a good income, reasonable schedule etc. However, getting very little satisfaction from a career I have worked so hard to get and excel in is just disappointing. This is the crossroads I face right now. I believe I have done everything I can to make dentistry better for me so do I quit and face an uncertain future or do I plug along and be thankful for what I have? Thanks again for this blog as it is therapy for me just to be able to comment and vent about my experience and find that I am not alone in this struggle.

Rick- Your comment has really intrigued me. I agree– in a sense therapy can come in different forms. Whether it’s venting to a friend or even a therapist, self-medication, or even in my case traveling as much as I could to escape, the question for me is: is it effective? I personally don’t see drinking or getting away from it all as therapy (that stuff’s just fun) 😉 because those things are more of an escape or a distraction, not a method to actually address the problem. It can make you feel better from the outside, but not the inside. The problem never resolves. It’s like putting a band-aid on a broken arm. (Wow, I’m starting to sound like someone who’s drinking the therapy kool-aid.) Interestingly, my therapist is NOT big on hours and hours of “bitching” or telling a story. She’s about practicing the skills that will help you to move on and act. I found it odd at first when she stopped me from telling stories, but now I get it more than ever. I don’t know much about therapy, but I assume some believe it’s helpful to just sit and vent. But, really, where does that get us?

I agree and think that everyone’s biggest issue is “ME.” For me, therapy is part of what allowed me to discover how I could change me– so that I don’t take “ME” wherever I go. I am not trying to convince anyone that therapy is awesome and they should all do it, but I find it fascinating that some people are either embarrassed about it or find it as miserable as getting a root canal. I also think some people don’t want to face the reality of who they are because maybe it’s too painful. And some think it’s a sign of weakness. I think that may be a generational thing.

The grass is always greener… I love that saying because have you ever tried to find a good spot in the grass to sit? It’s ALWAYS greener on the other side! I think sometimes the belief is so true, and it is helpful to keep us grounded. But sometimes I think it can be used as an excuse to stay in brown grass. For me and getting out of dentistry, I can say that the grass was not greener. In the past 10 years, I have never been happier and more at peace. I barely take home an income (hopefully that’s temporary) and I’m LESS stressed about money than I ever was when I had a decent steady income doing what I hated. I don’t miss all the things that blue heron describes in his/her comments. I can’t imagine going back to that right now. Plus, I finally like my job.

I’m not preaching anything here, especially a stop and smell the roses mentality, but I guess what intrigues me most is that you acknowledge that you refuse to stop and smell the roses, and I can’t help but wonder why not? Just curious.

Rick-I think we went to the same dental school. I failed both of my wax-ups and was threatened with having to attend summer restorative. The thought of spending the summer in Philly after a horrible freshman year (like you I had other bad things happen that year) forced me to practice my wax-ups over and over with a tutor and I passed my re-takes thus avoiding summer restorative. I agree that therapy is not for everyone. Therapy helped me because through my bitching, the therapist was able to guide me to find a solution to my problem. She did not tell me what to do but through talking I was able to get the courage to move forward and make the changes I needed to make my work situation better. That worked out well and I was much happier for awhile. I have only recently come to realize that I just don’t enjoy practicing dentistry anymore for the reasons I have mentioned in my above post. Is the grass greener? I don’t know but now I am trying to decide where I go from here. At some point I may consider going to therapy again to work out this issue because for me through talking I may come up with the solution I need to make things better.

go me! and you can come along too if you want.

I have to say I agree with everything you describe here. It’s good that you were able to make some changes to allow you to tolerate it a little better. Courage was always a big thing for me. I relied on my career coach or therapist to help me find the courage within to seek out my truth. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t enjoy dentistry. I really had no choice. Wow. I could have written your comment 😉

You would be good at that. And if there’s not enough demand you could be a douche alerter and reprimand adults for stealing fly baseballs from little kids. I like it. There’s a new future for you. 😉