Today was my last cancer treatment. Actually, by the time you’re reading this, it was yesterday. It’s been a strange day, one that holds a mix of emotions that leaves me unsure of how to feel. It’s good though. On the one hand, I’m beyond excited to be done. After 14 months of treatment, I never imagined arriving at this day. The idea of finishing what felt like a list of never-ending treatments, seemed impossible. I await the moments of anxiety and fear of recurrence that will pop up, and I wonder if my life will ever stay feeling normal...
We often hear how we can manifest what we want simply by thinking about the very thing. It’s the Law of Attraction. My first exposure to this kind of thinking was when The Secret came out quite a few years ago. While some of the principles seemed pretty cool, I remember thinking, “so, if I say I want to win the lottery, then I will win it? Why hasn’t it worked yet?” I didn’t buy into it, and I’m not sure I want to. We can’t just say we want this or that and expect to get it. It’s not...
A funny thing has happened to me in recent weeks. I’ve started feeling happy, and positive, and more like myself again. I’m not going to lie, it felt really strange at first. Part of me didn’t trust it at all, and the other part of me thought maybe it was too soon. I kept waiting for it to go away and be replaced by the fear and sadness that has consumed my last year. Then one word popped into my head: Resilience. And all of my newfound enthusiasm made sense. On August 13, 2018, I came home from my mammogram...
We spend so much of our energy trying to be happy. Happiness is such a buzzword these days. It almost seems like an addiction itself. The attraction to it is so strong that we often shun any sadness we might experience. It’s no wonder we’re addicted. It feels good. In fact, nothing feels as good as happiness does. But where would happiness be if sadness didn’t exist? Just as courage cannot exist without fear, happiness cannot exist without sadness. Which brings me to my point: embracing our sadness will help us shake it off. Image by Fran__ from Pixabay When...
How do you use intuition in your life? Merriam Webster defines intuition as “the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.” In other (easier to understand) words, it’s that wisdom that is guided by your feelings. It’s what you know in your gut to be true. Rationality and reasoning don’t factor in here. In the professional world, we often think there is no room for woo-woo stuff like feelings and heart. However, the best leaders often credit their intuition for their success. Knowing how powerful intuition is to guide us, I’ve...
Happy New Year! How was this holiday season for you? This New Year in particular was very unique for me. It felt different from all the others. Since I spent the week recovering from my final round of chemotherapy, the actual New Year was far from my mind. I remained isolated from most human contact throughout the whole week. My only source of human interaction was social media (which I don’t recommend, by the way.) As I saw all the posts of my network’s reflections, recaps, and resolutions, I felt even more disconnected from the hype. I watched the New...
I recently shared with you my dilemma about my cold cap. The question was whether I should allow myself to go bald, or whether I should suffer through the pain of wearing the cold cap for mediocre results. It’s amazing what writing down your thoughts can do to help you gain clarity. I had been struggling for a good month to come to a decision. It was weighing heavily on me, but in the days I put it in writing, a few things happened to help guide me in my decision-making process. I finally feel confident in my choice. I’ve decided to...
I often wonder if I will ever come to appreciate my cancer journey. Right now it’s hard to imagine finding any gratitude for it. In this moment, all I want to do is get through this. I want it to be behind me. While I want to be super-duper positive with you, you know I’m not one to lie about my experiences and my feelings. All I want is to put my head down, put on the blinders, and grind through my treatments. When you’re in that state of mind, it can be hard to want to celebrate and have...
I’m at a crossroads, facing a dilemma that feels huge. Logically, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, but in my heart, there is something keeping me stuck. I don’t know if I should shave my head. These days we have access to amazing technology that can actually help save our hair during chemo. It’s called a cold cap. The cold cap has been around for a while, but now they’ve developed a system that makes the process simpler, more manageable, and more accessible than ever before. The cold cap freezes your scalp, restricting blood flow to the...
Yes, you’ve read that correctly. I have cancer. It’s still weird to say it, and it’s just as weird to read it back. You may (or you may not) have noticed I’ve been quiet lately. It’s because I’ve been busy having cancer. (See? Even with cancer, I still can’t help being silly at times.) Before you get too worried about me, I’d like you to know that there is good news: it is curable. Even though we are planning for a happy ending, it’s still hard. I still have to go through the physical, emotional, and mental crap of wondering...
