Rana, thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of us would never think about how much our identity and sense of commitment gets wrapped up in something like this. What an interesting perspective you offer, and it makes so much sense. In both cases it seems like a superficial aspect, but it represents so much more. Thank you for your thoughts. I hope you are well and are happy with the decision you made!

Thank you Leda! <3

Glad I could help in my own small way. Thinking of you. Love you, my friend!

Love this Eric! Them some fightin’ words! It’s funny… as I read it, I replaced the “gonna shave my head” with “gonna wear my cold cap” and it works just the same. Haha! I guess it goes to show that no matter what path I choose, in the end, it doesn’t matter at all– it’s all about being me and beating cancer. Thanks for helping me see that.

Please excuse the profanity, but this is what I’d say…. “F*** you, cancer. You don’t scare me, you don’t belong here. I’m gonna shave my head, because I am a beautiful person, and doing so will not change that. You cannot have control over me. The treatments I need to go through, in order to eliminate your existence, may change my appearance temporarily, but that means nothing. I am the same amazing person that you cannot defeat or wear down — no matter what I may look like, through this process to eradicate you. Did you hear that? You are done. The people who know me, the people who love me, will still be there. My change of appearance is insignificant. And you know, I’m going to laugh at the fact that I have no hair. How do you like that? Laughing at you will defeat the control you think you have over me — especially because people know my true self and my soul. They’ll barely think about my outward appearance. And guess what — should I decide to do so, there are some really fun and colorful scarves and skullcaps and do-rags, and I’m gonna try them all… just to show you that I can’t be defeated. And someday when you are eliminated from my life, I’m going to make a quilt or a flag out of them — so that I can celebrate how I beat you. You can’t change the amazing person I already am…with one exception: You made me stronger. How does that grab you? You might as well give up now.”

SP, thank you so much! You’ve made my day, and I really appreciate your kindness and your thoughts and prayers. x

Thank you Kristy. I also realized that part of my desire to quit was also coming from a resentment that I”m not getting perfect results… kind of like an “I’ll show you, cold cap!” And that’s not really a good driver. Interesting to realize that along the way.

Thank you so much, BH! The first few treatments have been extremely tough, but after the 3rd one, I made some changes that helped so much. It was such a relief to sort out some of the side effects and made a world of difference. Thank you for your kind words. It’s interesting because after writing this and processing a few more thoughts, I’m thinking about sticking with the cold cap. I guess it’s kind of how sticking with dentistry seems the right move for some people. I like what you said about the career decision being permanent because it makes me question that I said that in the first place. It makes me realize that we can always go back to that too if we need or want to. Anyway, that was just a side note that got me thinking. Thanks so much for everything. I hope you are doing well!