“I’ve tried everything, and I’m still stuck,” said a dentist the other day.

There is a silent epidemic going on in dentistry. The daily work vibe has changed in recent years. Now dentists have to worry about more than just doing their best clinical work. They have to worry about Google reviews, maintaining a reliable team, and how to navigate changed social norms. I believe it’s a result of social media. Many have told me that patients have changed since Covid– that they’re harder to work with because they have higher entitlements and, frankly, aren’t as nice.

With all these added pressures of a changed culture, dentistry today is much harder than it was 50 years ago. And many dentists are unhappy.

Don’t get me wrong. You will always do your best for patients and might love the actual work if you could just focus on that. But that doesn’t always feel like a reality.

The constant sacrificing to help others feels unsustainable, and it’s creating a wave of discontent in dentistry. Many wish they could be happier and that might mean choosing a different livelihood.

Very few will ever do anything about it.

The problem is we have invested so much to get here that it feels impossible to change. It’s more than just years of education. It’s also massive student loans– these days to the tune of over $500,000– which keep many living paycheck to paycheck. But it’s also the dream. We were sold the dream that dentistry would give us our ideal career. We’d help others, have the autonomy and freedom to have balance in our lives, and we’d earn a nice living.

Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way for everyone. Too many dentists are finding themselves under the pile of stress and anxiety, while life doesn’t feel the way the dream promised it would.

This pain drives a deep yearning for change. But it’s impossible to leave, so why bother, right?

Wrong.

You can change if you allow it. Let’s go back to this statement I recently heard, “I’ve tried everything, and I’m still stuck,” said the dentist (who hasn’t worked with me!)

You may or may not be surprised by the pain some dentists are in. One told me, “I’m so depressed that when I come home every day after work, I head straight to bed, and my husband has to bring me dinner in bed.”

Another said, “I had so much anxiety driving to work this morning that I had to pull over on the side of the road and call my wife. I called in sick because I just couldn’t go in.”

And another revealed their plan: “I’m going to see if I can file a disability claim for mental health.”

When asked, “on a scale of 1-10, how badly do you want to change”, most say, 11. They can’t imagine how horrible they’d feel if they were in the same place a year from now, and they don’t have a plan to fix it. They’re just hoping it will somehow change.

Now, my coaching is not a fit for everyone and vice versa, but for the right candidate, I know how much my coaching program can help fix these problems.

And sometimes when I offer this solution, I get crickets– even from those who are convinced they’ve tried everything.

But they haven’t tried everything.

They haven’t considered how my coaching program has helped hundreds of others just like them.

I get it — fear is loud. It’ll tell you a million reasons to stay where you are. But that voice isn’t the truth, it’s just your fear talking.

However, if you haven’t tried everything, ahem, my coaching… then you can’t say you’ve tried everything.

My friend and founder of Dental Nachos, Paul Goodman, just told me that his kids are not allowed to say they don’t like a food unless they’ve tried it. We all know that trick little kids try. This is the same. You can’t say you’ve tried everything and you’re still stuck when you haven’t tried everything.

I know there’s usually something else behind the excuse. Maybe it’s fear or lack of belief. But is anything actually worse than the hopelessness that comes with feeling like you have no options? I don’t think so. I know because I spent many years there.

The problem isn’t that you’ve tried everything and nothing is working.

The problem is that you’re lying to yourself, and that strips you of your power. If you’re waiting for someone or some job to come and rescue you, when you get rescued– if that even works– you’re still a victim.

When you start telling yourself the truth: I’m not willing to do whatever it takes, or I haven’t tried everything, then at least you take responsibility for your choice. Because choosing not to act is a choice. When you learn that, only you can rescue yourself, then you can start. No matter what you choose, you begin to build your power and take your life into your own hands.