Ally, yes. It’s so much added pressure and a whole different level of investment when we have others who we think are as invested in our job identity as we are. The key is to work on reframing that it’s a betrayal to walk away. Is it really?

Eric, such great reflections. I totally agree about the culture of perfectionism that starts in dental school. The only thing that I would question is whether or not medicine is any different. I don’t know. But, when you describe your experience with sleep medicine, this may be the proof that things are different in medicine. That’s cool that you’ve had that experience. It has become a really great way for people to stay in clinical and provide a different type of care. I’m sure you know that some people have shifted completely into sleep medicine. So cool!

When I see my primary care physician and specialists, we often talk about many of the other interests they have. I never doubt their abilities in medicine. But if an incisal edge of a composite restoration chipped off three weeks after I placed it, I felt guilty. Why would I want to talk about anything else going on in my life? In my mind, the patient expected perfection, because we often are regarded as mechanics — and according to many dental school “instructors”, such an incident was due to my incompetence. The practice of medicine is quite different than the practice of dentistry. When (if ever) dentistry is regarded in the same way as medicine, feelings like this may change.

The only time I felt differently about the profession was when I became involved in Dental Sleep Medicine… an entirely different world and perception of myself as a health care provider.

And you are correct… if “neutral” is not obtainable in your own personal practice of dentistry, it is time to explore the options for change — to preserve one’s physical and mental health. That needs to take precedence over everything else!

Eric– do you remember years ago you told me that there was a time in your career that you worried that if you told your patients that you had other interests, that they would think that you weren’t dedicated and passionate enough about dentistry? Amazing how our mind plays tricks on us and can change.

I used to hate work so much that I wished for neutral… and I challenge anyone to recognize if neutral is impossible for them in the career. If it is, then it’s time to change. Now my standards are higher. I’m going for loving what I do because I know it’s possible.

Eric- years ago I remember you telling me that there was a time that you worried about telling patients that you had other interests b/c you were afraid they would think you weren’t dedicated enough to dentistry. Do you remember that? Amazing to see how our thinking transforms as we change.

I used to hate my work so much that I wished I could just be neutral about work. That would be fine now too, but I think my standards have changed and neutral isn’t good enough. I want to like or even LOVE what I do now.

I love the idea of being “neutral” about your relationship with the profession. And “being neutral” does not mean that the treatment you provide will be merely average… far from it, I am sure! I was once caught off-guard by a patient who told me that she loved the specialist I had referred her to — because he obviously was “passionate about his career”. That made me wonder what she thought of me — did I project such an image?? I realized that I must have given her the same feeling (without my knowing), since she remained my patient for many years (until I retired). She must have sensed that I was always dedicated to doing the best job possible… when in reality, never knew that I was not 100% passionate about it. But that was a more of personal thing — of which there was no need for me to share with any patients. It is entirely possible for both situations to exist simultaneously.

I also applaud you for not allowing your career to define you! I used to surprise people when asked “What do you do?”. When I answered, “Well, I’m a ——-, and a ——-, and an ——-, and an ——-, and a dentist too”, they always thought it was a great response! It never failed to surprise them… in a good way. They realized I was a well-rounded, down-to-earth person — and instead of them feeling the need to make the typical “I hate going to the dentist” jokes, they saw me as someone with many facets. And that is what being a dentist really is — just one facet of our collective selves.

It is up to each one of us to decide when the time is right to give more attention to one of our other facets, and possibly phase out of dentistry… or maybe not! That is a obviously a decision that everyone must make on their own. Just being part of this group, and reading Laura’s (and her guest-blogger’s) awesome posts — and the numerous responses and viewpoints — will be an excellent resource. I guarantee it. (No, she didn’t pay me to say that!).